Progress, not Perfection - Letting go of impossible standards

Does This Sound Familiar?

Have you ever stayed back after work rewriting your notes because they didn't feel "quite right"? Or spent far too long drafting an email, second-guessed a clinical decision long after your shift ended, or put off starting something because you were worried you wouldn't do it perfectly?

If so, you're certainly not alone.

Many nurses and midwives hold themselves to incredibly high standards. Caring for others is important work, and wanting to do your best is something to be proud of. But when those standards become unrealistic or impossible to meet, they can leave us feeling overwhelmed, self-critical and stuck.

Instead of helping us perform at our best, perfectionism can lead to procrastination, self-doubt and what's often called perfectionist paralysis—the fear of getting something wrong that makes it difficult to start or finish a task.

The encouraging news is that perfectionism doesn't have to stay in the driver's seat. By learning to think more flexibly, you can reduce unnecessary pressure, build confidence and approach challenges with greater self-compassion.

Flexible thinking can help us move from perfectionism towards healthier, more balanced ways of working and living.

What is perfectionism?

Ironically, there's no perfect definition of perfectionism. Everyone experiences it differently.

Generally, perfectionism involves setting extremely high standards for yourself and tying your sense of worth to meeting those standards. When things don't go exactly as planned, it's common to worry about making mistakes or being judged by others. Even when perfectionism creates stress or negatively affects our wellbeing, we may continue striving for impossible standards.

For nurses and midwives, perfectionism can show up in many ways:

• Wanting every clinical decision to be flawless.
• Feeling responsible for fixing every problem.
• Spending excessive time checking documentation.
• Finding it difficult to delegate.
• Feeling guilty for taking breaks or leaving tasks unfinished.
• Believing you should always be coping.

Working hard and striving for excellence are valuable qualities in healthcare. But when we expect ourselves to never make mistakes, base our self-worth solely on performance, or constantly feel we're falling short, perfectionism can begin to affect both our wellbeing and our work.

Some common perfectionistic thoughts include:

• I have to get this right every single time.
• There's only one correct way to do this.
• If I make a mistake, I've failed.
• If I can't do it perfectly, there's no point starting.
• People will think less of me if this isn't 100%.

Over time, these beliefs can become so rigid that they make it harder to start, continue or finish tasks. We may find ourselves over-checking, constantly seeking reassurance, over-planning, struggling to make decisions, avoiding difficult tasks or spending far longer on work than necessary.

The link between perfectionism and procrastination

People often assume perfectionists are highly productive and always get things done.

In reality, perfectionism and procrastination often go hand in hand.

Procrastination isn't simply about laziness. More often, it's driven by fear—fear of making a mistake, fear of not meeting impossibly high standards or fear of disappointing others.

For example, you might delay completing mandatory education because you want to be able to concentrate perfectly, or avoid writing a difficult email because you're worried about getting every word exactly right.

Thoughts like these can keep us stuck:

• I need to get it right the first time.
• It's never good enough.
• I'll start when I feel less stressed.

Unfortunately, waiting for the "perfect" moment usually creates more pressure. The longer we delay, the bigger the task feels, and the cycle of perfectionism and procrastination continues.

Why flexible thinking matters

Perfectionism tends to see the world in black and white:

• Success or failure.
• Perfect or terrible.
• Competent or incompetent.

Flexible thinking helps us recognise that life is rarely that simple.

Rather than searching for one perfect outcome, flexible thinking allows us to adapt, consider different perspectives and continue moving forward even when things don't go exactly to plan.

Flexible thinking might sound like:

• I'd like to do this well, but it doesn't need to be perfect.
• Mistakes are part of learning.
• I'm allowed to be human.
• There may be several good ways to approach this.
• Good enough really can be good enough.

This way of thinking isn't about lowering standards. It's about setting realistic expectations, responding with self-compassion and giving yourself room to learn and grow.

Five ways to practise flexible thinking

⚖️ 1. Look for the middle ground

Perfectionism often pushes us to think in extremes.

Instead of asking, Was this perfect? ask yourself:

Is there a more balanced way of looking at this?

Your work doesn't have to be flawless to be valuable.

💬 2. Replace "must" with "I'd like to"

Words like must, should and have to can create unnecessary pressure.

Try saying:

"I'd like to do this as well as I can," instead of "I must do this perfectly."

It's a small change that can make a big difference.

📚 3.  Focus on learning rather than proving yourself

Every shift, every conversation and every challenge is an opportunity to learn.

Instead of asking:

"Can I do this perfectly?"

Try asking:

"What can I learn from giving this my best?"

A growth mindset helps reduce pressure while building confidence over time.

🚶4.  Aim for progress, not perfection

Sometimes "good enough" really is enough.

Ask yourself:

• What's the next small step?
• What would good enough look like here?
• What would I say to a colleague in this situation?
• Is striving for perfection worth the extra stress and energy?

🌼 5. Make room for mistakes

Mistakes can feel uncomfortable—especially in healthcare, where we care deeply about doing the right thing.

But being human doesn't mean being careless.

Flexible thinking helps us see mistakes as opportunities to learn, improve and grow, rather than as evidence that we've failed.

Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a colleague or a patient.

🌈 Moving from perfection to flexibility

Perfectionism tells us there's only one right way forward.

Flexible thinking reminds us there are often many.

By noticing rigid expectations, making room for mistakes and focusing on progress instead of perfection, we can reduce stress, improve wellbeing and feel more confident taking the next step.

You don't have to do everything perfectly.

Sometimes the bravest and most helpful thing you can do is simply begin.

❤️ Looking after yourself

Many people who struggle with perfectionism also experience ongoing worry and anxiety.

If excessive worry is affecting your work, relationships or wellbeing, contact us - maybe we can help.

Remember, caring for yourself is just as important as caring for others.